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  • Beatrice Lorenzetti

Managing Expectations

Hi Mamas,

Happy new year! May this year be filled with celebration of your awesomeness for holding, giving and nourishing life. I've been reading this lovely book, which I highly recommend - 'A Good Birth' by Anne Drapkin Lyverly - full of real wisdom on how to approach birth with an open mind so that you are empowered by it, instead of hurt by it if the plan doesn't match the expectations you had going in. This is something that as a doula I believe is of great importance when preparing for birth. We are all good at making lists and creating mental images of a perfect story for ourselves, but life is not perfect. Life is perfect its in own way, and it involves a lot of unexpected imperfection. Preparing to be open to the unexpected sets you up to feel empowered by your birth. This does not take away from the fact that we all have the right to envision and want a beautiful experience. It's just an invitation to sit with the concept of what it is that you want out of this experience, what do you want to feel when you look back on this day? how will you prepare yourself so that if things don't go according to your plan you will still be able to look back and feel that way? how can you emotionally prepare yourself? how can you set yourself up to be able to journey with an open mind, to allow whatever arises to be what is right for you? The truth is that no matter how your baby comes out of you, you are birthing life. If you prepare yourself emotionally and are very clear on keys aspects that must be in place for you to feel that way, no matter what happens it will be easier for you to find a place where you can feel good about your birth.

Anne approaches this with 6 key concepts: control, agency, personal security, connectedness, respect and knowledge. I invite you to sit with these words and look deep within yourself and experience what they mean for you, what they look like for you. What will enable you to feel each of these concepts within your birth setting. Having clarity on what this looks or feels like for you and communicating clearly with your support person how these things may play out for you will empower you to have a sense of direction on your big day.

I leave you with a quote from her book:

"I'd say birth is much more like a channel crossing, a journey across a moving body of water. There are things we cannot control- the width of the crossing, the current, the winds, or the weather. Our choices will be bounded by necessity - sometimes a paddle will suffice; other times we may need a motor or help from a friend. The outcome will be shaped to some degree by luck, and it will not always be graceful/ part of the joy will come from the fact that when we arrive on the other shore, we can look back and know that the journey has been ours.

The question is then 'How to make it so?'"

Lastly I would like to ask for your support. Word of mouth has been the most successful marketing tool for my small business, so if you are enjoying what I share with you here, in a live class and on social media, please share with other women friends. Let them know that what and why you have found useful of what I offer. I am very grateful for your support in this! I am offering discounted birth doula rates for the remaining of the year, so if you know anyone in the NYC, Westchester and Hudson Valley area feel free to send them my way :)

Join me for our weekly mama circle (for mamas and mamas to be)

Fridays at 4:30pm

On zoom

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